Daydreams to Decisions.
Every fleeting moment of my mind was spent dreaming of Sydney. I envisioned myself sitting on the sand at Bondi Beach, relaxing in the golden sunshine, magnificent blue water just ahead, listening to the squawking Kookaburras. The sunset engulfed me. Basking in peace.
ERRRRRR WAKE UP SUNSHINE. The only bright light on the horizon was my desktop radiating with the highlighted tasks from my to-do list and the squawking well, I will leave that to your imagination. Nostalgia and longing for Australia was exploding out of my heart and I knew I had to go back. I couldn’t get Sydney off my mind – it was nagging at me but in the most pleasant and polite way. And once I get something on my mind, it has to happen. So I looked up flights, booked my travel and soon enough that Qantas airbus would be the vessel to making my countless daydreams become a reality.
Oh, What a Feeling!
Thrilled! I was so thrilled to be going back to the land and people who were home for a year and a half. I was going home. Terrified! I was terrified. What would I feel when I got there? How would I react and would I ever want to leave again? After leaving Australia in the first place with so many unresolved feelings, I had no idea what to anticipate. Would I feel out of place? Would I remember how to get around? When I arrived at Los Angeles International Airport all of those feelings were pinging at my frontal lobes. My parents walked me to the security gate, just as they had twice before, but this time it was ‘see you in 10 days’, with a smile instead of tears.
Like Seeing an Old Friend.
“Welcome to Sydney international airport, we hope you enjoy your stay. “ Enjoy, that would be my word of the trip. To be living in joy for the next 10 days of holiday bliss. My best friend swooped me up from the airport and off we went (of course I had already forgotten which side of the car to get in – amateur!). As we weaved our way through the city over to Sydney’s north side it all started coming back. Had I ever even left? I felt a sense of belonging and understanding but distant at the same time; like myself and the city had so much to catch up on. She had grown up but her core being and beauty were the same. The blue water of the harbor that only exists in Sydney hadn’t changed a bit – in fact it was 100 times more beautiful than I had remembered. The sunshine so heavy you could feel it seeping into your bones. Over the course of those weightless 10 days, I bounced around to my favorite spots in the city and discovered new places too. The cafes I loved were still there but were just a bit more mature – the paintings on the wall had changed, the menu tweaked just enough to be unfamiliar and a whole new set of baristas were zipping around the espresso machines. I did ‘yoga in the sky’ at the Sydney Sky Tower, went on countless bush walks/runs, ate and drank the best of Sydney, caught up with friends and relaxed on my favorite beaches. I felt free doing whatever I wanted, when I wanted, all in the most familiar yet foreign way.
A part of my heart will always be in Sydney, however, my trip was one of closure for that time period in my life. The longing and regret of leaving I felt in waves over the last two years has dispersed and turned into a beautiful memory. I can move forward in peace, knowing the city will always be there for me to return to and a playground for my heart to explore with contentment in the meantime.