Category: grief

  • The Ocean’s Faithful Student

    The breath is where it all begins and where it all ends. It comes naturally some days and others like an unwilling daughter at nap time. It’s where we find our peace and it’s the safest path to our intuition. It’s our first responder when shit hits the fan. The breath both reveals when we’re out of touch and is…

  • We are MORE

    When we got home from the hospital on day one, the 8×10 mirror that had been hanging in our family’s living room for 20 years had fallen off the wall and shattered into a million pieces. Our hearts a reflection of the remnants on the ground. I remember desperately wishing that day for time to fast forward to a year…

  • 365 Days With My Dad

    On the first day you left, I opened a new google doc and titled it: “365 days without my dad”. Every day since then you have proven me wrong.    My gaze lingers longer than it should on the butterfly or the hummingbird. Is it you? What are you now? More of a feeling or a moment, rather than someone…

  • Coming of Age

    There are so many things that can’t be put into words and so many other things that I wish I never had.  Maisley kept asking where Poppi was when we were celebrating his birthday dinner. She asked if he was going to come down from the sky now. I got halfway through my beautiful explanation about how we can’t feel…

  • September

    “Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself.” – Paulo Coelho September is chock-full of change – new school year, Football season (eye-roll) and fall on the horizon. Grounded into the newness are lingering summer nights that leave me grasping for the memories and feelings of more carefree days.  It’s officially September 2019 and…

  • The Meeting Place

    They met in the waves one foggy, August morning. Both in full wetsuits, all set in the lineup, with calm, friendly fins.  And they met in the sky one sunny afternoon. Both in expansive wings, free flying the friendly skies, above the ground and the weight of the earth. Held in the arms of the wind.  Time seemed to stop…

  • One More

    One more song with the windows rolled down, One more trip to a bucket list town. One more beer, One more cheers. One more comforting hug, One more full-bodied laugh, One more finance chat. One more piece of advice, One more after-dinner orange slice. One more Bass Lake run, One more game of Yahtzee, anyone? One more visit to the…

  • Hard Days: A Road Map

    Overall I’m having more “good” days than “bad” days right now. After a string of good days, the bad ones still catch me off guard. Is it grief? Is it motherhood? Is it an aggro-crag of PMS? Is it just a hard day? My dedicated brain is always trying to understand and find an explanation for the spontaneous feelings and…

  • Out Of Office

    There’s always something specific I daydream about over and over before vacation. Last summer it was sitting under a moon-lit sky eating pizza. This time, it was boogie boarding in the warm water and getting lei’d. (No offense Ryan, but I mean that literally, like the smell and feeling of the cool fragrant flowers around my neck in the fanned…

  • Borrowed Time

    In talking with a friend about her friend’s near death experience, I asked, with a misplaced chip on my shoulder, “I wonder what he plans to do with his borrowed time?” The words left my lips and immediately made a swift u-turn, staring at me blankly in the face.   Ah, right. We’re all on borrowed time. We’re all on God’s…