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Gentle Reminder
As I lay in the crook of his arm with my head on his chest – the place I have always fit so perfectly –I hear the beating of his heart for the first time in days. The steady rhythm jolts me into how alive we are and how fleeting we are. Underneath all of the rushing and worrying and organizing and…
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Rancho Grande
What I’m really asking when I inquire about staying at a remote farm on Airbnb: Am I safe to be still? Am I allowed to relax enough to hear the pigs snore? Do I deserve to rest? May I slow my body enough to move like the wind through the trees? Will I be able to feel the awe and…
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Mornings at the Bird House
Every morning, the three little birds would cuddle in their nest with mama bird and daddy bird before the day began. The morning golden sun would peek through the cracks and for a few quiet moments, all was warm and well. The oldest bird snuggled right up to mama. “How did you sleep my love?” Mama asked. “Good,” whispered the…
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Mara Love
Her small body on my chest is like a weighted comfort blanket in our dark room. All of my ambient thoughts are dissipated by the loud hum of the sound machine. How do you bottle a feeling?Her body flinching.Her lips softly smacking. Her booty perfectly lifted up by an invisible string from the sky.Her sweet fingers grazing my chest.Her soft round head…
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Empty Threats
In a rousing game of “Who gave the best empty threat on the car ride”, we sat under the stars with our necks kicked back, telling tales from our 6.5 hour car rides up to Bass Lake for our Loftus family vacation. My brother-in-law, James, said he would pull the car over and make his kids get out on the…
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Girl Dad
He confesses that he likes the pink door down the street. He wears crowns when asked and a suit and tie for the “big party”. He teaches all about Sally Ride.He’s a feminist in the purest version of the word, always has been. He takes time for a puzzle and explanations of the golden rule.He gives his girls a rocket boost on their…
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Free Time
If you find yourself at Point Lobos State Reserve — Notice the way she sways like the luminescent kelp with the tide.How the waves sound like a meditation recording, gathering all of the stray pieces of her into one, whole, present witness of the moment. Take note of the knobs on the trees, they’ll see her exactly as she is. She will feel…
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Tiny People in a Tiny House
*Written in February 2021 2020 felt like it ended with an ellipsis, to be continued. Answers I had hoped for personally and ones we had all hoped for collectively, still wandering about. We are living into the everyday, ordinary moments right now; stretching them out into an entire life. Ryan and I danced in the kitchen. Maisley sang Maroon Five…
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The Day She Was Born
“Oh, and there’s one more thing,” I tenuously asked our future long-term Airbnb host. “I was wondering if you would be comfortable with us giving birth at your property?…I promise a home birth isn’t as messy as it might seem!” Her birth story is now a story. Something that actually happened and something I can share. For nine months I…
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Mom & Dad
Time is something we can never believe.Death is something we can never imagine.Yet both are hereCertainElements of lifeBurn you more than othersThe dark moments of parenthood…Was I even meant to be a mom? A dad?I don’t feel good at my name right nowMore like I’m drowning in survival tasks, unable to do the things I thought I would as a…