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In-Between
Everything seems to work out in the end, but what about when it’s not the end? What about that uncomfortable place between here and there? Here we are in the middle, unsure of how this particular story ends: the one where our things are moved out of storage and into a new home. For now, we are at my in-laws…
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To you, Dadio
Where are you? When I’m angry at you for leaving. When a shit-storm is passing through our family and the world. When the comfort of home is far out of reach. When I look through hundreds of recent photos and you’re not in one. When nothing makes sense, nothing goes right and grief rages on. When a beautiful baby boy…
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Four
I twirled her silky hair around my finger while Ryan read, How to Catch a Mermaid. It looked like a chocolate and vanilla swirled cone. Like the ones we used to devour from McDonald’s after a long day at the beach.She’s beautiful and full of fire. I worry I won’t know how to be her mom sometimes. I worry about…
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Lessons from the Little Ones
The first hour or two of a long road trip is really just your mind scanning to see what you forgot. The car potty. Not the car potty. The good thing about road-tripping during a pandemic is that peeing on the side of the road feels mostly acceptable. Van patrol set off to Sacramento, CA, Crater Lake, OR, Hood River,…
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Orcas Island
I felt a whisper calling me here. Drawing me in the way a mother picks up her baby and holds her close to her heart. Off the ferry and onto the island, turn left and then go straight onto lover’s lane. Just like the street I grew up on; Amantes. Welcome to Orcas Island. Wonder is not contained to the…
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How to fall in love with me, for me
To fall in love with me is to say I love you and I see you to every piece of me. I will never leave you, you’re my priority. It means fresh flowers around the house; anything the color green. Lots of trees. With anxiety; unending compassion and reassurance. With anger; validation and love. With excitement; permission. Go easy on…
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This Father’s Day
We went through your old things; report cards, photo books, trophies, letters. When you were 19 you noted that having an exciting life was a 1 of importance to you (18 being the least). I’d say it definitely wasn’t boring. Did you have any big ragrets? Not even a single letter? The back house smells of 24 and World Cup…
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Note to Self
waves of grief surges of birth toddler tantrums that feeling of panic like river rapids will it ever end? it always ends.
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Gardening
I ask God to pull out the roots of anxiety in my mind and body. When I close my eyes, I envision God taking the deep-seated roots, transforming the pain, fear and grief – into love – and planting a garden. A garden of vibrant color, warm sunshine, easy, deep breaths and nourishing beauty. A garden, ever-green and eternal.
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Altered Latitude 