• Already and Only Three

    Mommy, Don’t waste the water! I need to be alone. Can you stay with me? I want to wear my hair down. I only want a yummy snack. Let’s do a dance party! Will you play “Body Like a Back Road” with the windows down? This is called the “ocean back”. Can you clap for me? I want to watch…

  • For Opa

    For Ryan’s Grandpa, Fokko Nienhuis, remembered and loved in the vibrant memories of his family.  Half a grapefruit livened with sugar for him, freshly squeezed orange juice for her. Oranje through and through, and starting in nineteen hundred and 47, he also bled red, white and blue. A welcoming host at home and at heart – Is everyone “goodso”? He threw…

  • Hard Days: A Road Map

    Overall I’m having more “good” days than “bad” days right now. After a string of good days, the bad ones still catch me off guard. Is it grief? Is it motherhood? Is it an aggro-crag of PMS? Is it just a hard day? My dedicated brain is always trying to understand and find an explanation for the spontaneous feelings and…

  • Out Of Office

    There’s always something specific I daydream about over and over before vacation. Last summer it was sitting under a moon-lit sky eating pizza. This time, it was boogie boarding in the warm water and getting lei’d. (No offense Ryan, but I mean that literally, like the smell and feeling of the cool fragrant flowers around my neck in the fanned…

  • Maui Jen

    Wakes up to the ocean, dreams only of happy, swirling sea turtles. Shreds on a boogie board, eats the ocean, floats with her face toward the sun. Spoiled with never-ending showers; her hair most comfortable swirled on the top of her head. A clear mind, full of life, she is where her feet are. Even her toes find freedom outside…

  • Kauai Ry

    Two buttons undone on his Hawaiian polo, he saunters with red dirt beneath his feet. He takes control of the Jeep, brings “summer to winter”. His favorite place to be: lost at sea with nothing but his snorkel and fins. He smells like salt and Sun Bum. Hands in the air; when not holding a Mai Tai. Goes commando, friendly…

  • The Missing App

    A stolen moment of freedom spent on the porcelain throne. “Hey babe, can you watch the kids? I’ll be back in a ‘minute’ ”. I take off down the habitual rabbit hole of time well wasted; checking in on that complete stranger to see if she had her baby yet. Gmail →  Instagram → Facebook. Something’s missing. Where’s that app…

  • Borrowed Time

    In talking with a friend about her friend’s near death experience, I asked, with a misplaced chip on my shoulder, “I wonder what he plans to do with his borrowed time?” The words left my lips and immediately made a swift u-turn, staring at me blankly in the face.   Ah, right. We’re all on borrowed time. We’re all on God’s…

  • What I Used to Think

    “You can turn over every stone on Earth and still not find what you’re looking for.”  I used to think I’d find myself in the color of my hair, or the clothes I’d wear; the number of piercings in my ear.  The friends I’d make, the boys I’d kiss, the jobs I’d win, the places I’d go; how fast I’d…

  • Triggers

    I drove to Creative Mornings with mascara on, feeling brave and un-smudgeable. I met my friend and creative dreaming partner, Suzanne, coincidently twinning in a golden shirt, jeans and brown sandals. It was her birthday and the day before Coura’s birthday. I was feeling excited to hear some inspiring words on creativity. Five minutes into the presentation, the speaker started…