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A Postpartum Identity Puzzle
I am 10 months postpartum. Although, do you even call it postpartum past three months? At this point, I’m just a straight-up mom. One of my yoga teachers told me, that someone told her, that you don’t really become a mom until the second child. That makes me feel really tired. My mind is so full all the time.…
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First Steps on Mother Turf
Maisley, You took your first steps today. We have been coaxing you to walk for a few weeks now, but you never take our bait in the form of a yellow sneetch or a sparkly blue ball. We were out in the beautiful sunshine at Choice in Carlsbad. Just you and me. It’s one of your favorite places (and mine)…
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My Grandmas & Me
Sometimes in a tough moment, or just because, I close my eyes and talk to my angel grandparents. This week in particular, I’ve been thinking a lot about my grandmothers; Grandma Joan and Nana. When I think about these amazing women, the picture I always have in my head is of them hugging me. I can visualize their unique embrace.…
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Mother’s Day Matters
Yesterday was my very first Mother’s Day. I had been so looking forward to this celebration, yet I felt a low level sense of disappointment all day. When Maisley was two months old, I remember thinking how much I would enjoy the sh** out of Mother’s Day this year. I remember in a breaking point, thinking, this is why mothers have a whole…
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Sleep + Springtime
I miss her when she sleeps. Almost every night before I close my eyes, I lay under the covers with my iPhone in night mode and scroll through the thousands of images and videos of my happy girl. The trips we’ve taken, the simple moments at home, family love fests, her first this and that, smiles with dada. The sleep…
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A Little Baby Tooth
Maisley has managed to sprout not one, but two baby teeth in the last month. I can’t even explain my excitement when that first tooth popped through. More than rolling over. More than her first bite of avocado. Even more than crawling. “Ryan, can you see it?!” “No seriously, come feel it, it’s so sharp, it’s right there!” For some…
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Ideas & Daydreams
I felt a breeze of Australia today. I was putting Maisley in her car seat and out of nowhere this rush of air came through me like a whisper on a whim. The sun, a smell, the air. It was transporting and invigorating. It filled up my wanderlust tank in a split second. It was Australia, in Carlsbad. I felt…
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The Motherhood
Before August 16th, 2016, I thought motherhood was a phase that women entered; a personal journey. I thought it was the experience of becoming and being a mother. {The only thing I really had to compare it to was the journey of entering “womanhood” at age 13 and the cringe-worthy feeling of telling my mom I got my period through…
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I carry your heart with me
Here is a letter I wrote Maisley when I was 35 weeks pregnant and she was still “Bean”. i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart) i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling) – E.E. Cummings Dear Bean, You…
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30 Years Young
20 wasn’t so long ago, and it was also a lifetime ago. Many days in my early 20’s were marked with independence and freedom. My mid 20’s with uncertainty, exploration and career growth. And my late 20’s were filled with unconditional love, I do’s and a baby. I graduated college at 21, lived in Australia at 23, ran a marathon…
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Altered Latitude 