I am a deeply sensitive person. I often “numb out” when watching sad movies or hearing sad stories because it’s just too much.
Now I am here, living out my worst nightmare: something bad happening to someone I love. And it’s real, even though it doesn’t feel like it.
Enter: anxiety, panic attacks, physical pain, fear, endless questions.
The deepest sadness I’ve ever known is now tangled throughout my everyday. I have to feel it and let it move through me. In the midst of it all, I have to keep committing and recommitting to living out loud, just like he did.
Each day I am discovering small joys, grounding myself by touching the dirt and sitting on our cool driveway. Walking barefoot around our rain-kissed neighborhood. Listening to Coura Joan laugh. Doing sidewalk chalk of really big, really spooky pumpkins with Maisley. Taking baths with lavender epsom salt.
There’s a house down the street that has a life-like skeleton in their driveway as part of their halloween decorations. Everyday, the skeleton is doing something new. Yesterday he was fixing a car, today he is skating on a ramp, what will he be doing tomorrow? That skeleton, that dead, plastic set of bones we have dubbed “Steve”, might just be the best thing in my life right now.
A tiny part of me can see that in feeling this full spectrum of emotions, that in my biggest brokenness, I am becoming more whole. That this is life. Sorrow, despair, joy and love.
2 thoughts on “Life Right Now”
this is SO beautiful. You have a way with words. makes me teary eyed, but also smile and feel comforted knowing your heart is like mine.
love you so much my june!
On Tue, Oct 30, 2018 at 8:39 AM Altered Latitude wrote:
> Jenna posted: “I am a deeply sensitive person. I often “numb out” when > watching sad movies or hearing sad stories because it’s just too much. Now > I am here, living out my worst nightmare: something bad happening to > someone I love. And it’s real, even though it doesn’t” >
Love you so much my soulful daughter and so does your Dadio 🌟