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What I Used to Think
“You can turn over every stone on Earth and still not find what you’re looking for.” I used to think I’d find myself in the color of my hair, or the clothes I’d wear; the number of piercings in my ear. The friends I’d make, the boys I’d kiss, the jobs I’d win, the places I’d go; how fast I’d…
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Triggers
I drove to Creative Mornings with mascara on, feeling brave and un-smudgeable. I met my friend and creative dreaming partner, Suzanne, coincidently twinning in a golden shirt, jeans and brown sandals. It was her birthday and the day before Coura’s birthday. I was feeling excited to hear some inspiring words on creativity. Five minutes into the presentation, the speaker started…
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Word Preferences
Unhelpful Helpful Settling down Putting down roots I’m unraveling I’m untangling Everything happens for a reason Everything happens I’m so sorry Thank you for understanding I’m such an idiot I made a mistake I really want to go for a walk I’m out the door! See you in a bit I’ve always wanted to go to… I just booked a…
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A Second Chance
A babbling brook of whys and what ifs. Where’s his second chance? His saving grace? That miracle lying in wait. So tied to our illusion of control, we beg and plead: he’s one of the good ones, please use it on him. In a single moment, our road map diverged from His. Propelling us off course, no turn-by-turn directions home.…
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One Year With Coura
For my sweet Coura Joanies: As I attempt to color your beautiful world with words, I have to start with the truth. Your first year of life was the most challenging of mine. A transition into a whole new existence that neither of us saw coming. And yet, you never left my side through it all – our bright light…
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Words
The roughly 23-year-old guy at Trader Joe’s and I stood gingerly talking about the salmon in my cart. It was all fun and games until he unintentionally drop-kicked me with this line: “People my age like to go to sushi a lot and I just don’t love it.” People my age. For the first time in my adult life I…
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Going Home
It’s hard to go back to the place I called home for so many years. Four walls that are dangerously close to feeling more foreign than comforting now almost eight months after September 29th. We pulled around the corner to 48 Amantes, just like I’ve done thousands of times, and some of those since he’s been gone. It never gets…
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Something in the Way She Moves
I miss the way his hands look and the comfort of his big hugs. What I wouldn’t give to listen to his memories, hear his perspective and feel his words of encouragement and praise that always held the weight of ten people. Sometimes, selfishly, it’s only him in his human form that will do. And still, there is beauty in…
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Baseball, Granddaughters & 2x4s
Hey Dadio, Last week was the Padres home opener and the weather hit a soul-quenching 80 here in San Diego (there is so much pollen in the air, your allergies would be off the charts). Did you hear that the Padres picked up Manny Machado? Remember when we sat so high in the nosebleeds at Angel stadium that I was…
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I Thought of You
We pulled weeds yesterday. I thought of you. We saw a mountain biker. I thought of you. We rode a ferry on a perfect San Diego day. I thought of you. Uge posted wanderlust-y pictures of Bondi. I thought of you. The wind blew just so. I thought of you. I wonder what I thought about before?
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Altered Latitude 