Category: grief

  • Jenna

    Imperfect Takes Practice

    I feel like I’m chasing after something, perpetually a foot behind where I think should be. Offensive piles of laundry. Lost things and lost tempers. Where’s Monkey? Did you get Ergo? How is it only 8:30? How is it already 8:30? I can throw out compassion like Tic Tacs to other people. A break here, a bone there. But when…

  • Jenna

    I Found My Heart in San Francisco

    This land is your land, this land is my land… Pandora just happened to settle on these words chirped by Elizabeth Mitchell as we drove from Sausalito to San Francisco. The Golden Gate Bridge catches my breath every time I see it. At first just peeking over Victorian rooftops and then, in plain, awe-inspiring site. We rented a convertible, because…

  • Jenna

    Lessons from the Desert

    “There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.” – Leonard Cohen One saguaro, two saguaro, three saguaro, ten. Hundreds more lifelike cacti appeared as we made our way into the Sonoran Desert, away from the sunset, away from home. The darkness was more comforting than usual as I lay my head against the cool glass of the car…

  • Jenna

    Wish You Were Here

    As we sat eating dinner at Panama 66 in Balboa Park, the sun had just settled in for the night and the iconic Museum of Man tower was illuminated with purple and blue lights set against the dusky sky. The kids were happy and we were happy. It was one of those beautiful moments where you sink a little deeper…

  • Jenna

    Rainy Wanderings

    Chartreuse, emerald, pickle, olive, pear. The trees, the hillside in between the trees, the grass, the shrubbery, the weeds. The truest, deepest shades of every color green. We stumble between the long, swaying eucalyptus trees during a break in the welcomed rain. The vibrant scent fills us up like a warm cup of mint tea. Every individual leaf is bursting…

  • Jenna

    The Story of Poppi

    I sweetly overheard Ryan the other night telling Maisley the story of “A Boy Named Poppi”. It gave me the idea to write my own bedtime story about Poppi’s life for the girls to always have. Unlike our other made-up stories about “Sammie the Kangaroo dog” and “Wolf Girl” on her flying scooter, this one is as real as I…

  • Jenna

    Word Walk of Shame

    As I sat on my bed in a rare peaceful moment, looking out the window to the eucalyptus trees, the movie reel in my mind started to rewind. It hasn’t even been a year since we moved in and yet this room holds both Coura’s birth story and the hardest moments of my grief. I see the wall I slammed…

  • Jenna

    Out of the Grey

    As I continue to find my footing, my voice and my self in this transformative season of motherhood, I’ve been mostly comfortable living in the middle. Extremes haven’t really been my thing. I’ve been taking in all sides of the story and experiencing a little bit of everything, all from the safety of my moderate mind. The girl who once…

  • Jenna

    Of All The Things

    Of all the things I want to tell him. All the places I want to go with him. All the memories I want to reminisce about. All the questions I want to ask him. All the Sunday breakfasts I want to eat with him. Of all the things, the thing I want to do most, A thousand times a day,…

  • Jenna

    Somewhere in the Ocotillo Trees

    I have this irrational argument in my head on a regular basis of whether I prefer the ocean or the mountains as my soul place. I force myself to choose. Definitely the mountains with their all-encompassing pine trees and majestic views, I think. Yeah, but the ocean with it’s limitless expanse, compassion and fresh salty air, I’ll think back. On…