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Happiest Kids in the World
There’s currently a book sitting on my nightstand titled: “The Happiest Kids in the World”. It’s ironic to see it sitting there when the big one is in complete hysterics at 5:30am for no reason other than: “I want a banana!” (give her a banana) “No I don’t want a banana!” (throws banana on floor) “I want daddy!” (daddy holds…
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Somewhere in the Ocotillo Trees
I have this irrational argument in my head on a regular basis of whether I prefer the ocean or the mountains as my soul place. I force myself to choose. Definitely the mountains with their all-encompassing pine trees and majestic views, I think. Yeah, but the ocean with it’s limitless expanse, compassion and fresh salty air, I’ll think back. On…
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Golden Hour
8:25 pm. “Golden hour” for those of us in the parenthood. After 45 minutes of Maisley’s In-N-Out style bedtime routine, and a tiny turd of evidence that confirmed Coura’s constipation, both kids finally gave in to their weighted eyelids. Ryan is kicked back in his corner of the couch wearing a new robe from Christmas while laughing at a meme…
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Love Through Loss
No one knows what to say. We don’t know what to say. No one can imagine. We can’t imagine either. New to death? So are we. While nothing can take away the pain or fill the void of a loss, so many thoughtful words, acts and gestures have helped us carry on to the next day – even with joy.…
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Grounded & Free
“The wilderness had a clarity that included me. That included all of us.” – Cheryl Strayed There is a call within my grief to go into the wild. A deep desire to feel connected to the Creator; grounded in His expansive, oxygen rich masterpieces. In a past life, I would uproot and run to it. Right now, I’m patiently listening…
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Dear Dadio
Dear Dadio, It’s been three months now since you’ve gone home. It feels like longer and it feels like yesterday. I try so desperately to cling onto specific words from past conversations, but everything feels hazy right now. Saying I miss you doesn’t do it justice. I wonder what word would be better. I fucking miss you? I don’t think…
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The Most Time of the Year
What makes the holiday season so great is all of the love, magic and memories. Years of traditions, never breaking from our favorite ways: Christmas eve mass, a special visit from Santa at my Aunt’s house, and then a very precise Christmas morning formula: first stockings, then breakfast with cinnamon rolls and then opening presents. The same things that make…
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Me & Death: It’s Complicated
Some of my best memories with my dad were spent in his white New Balance sneakers and light-wash, loose-fit Levi’s jeans; hiking, walking, doing chores, working on school projects, soccer games or hanging Christmas lights. He was casual and simple, with an extraordinary capacity for unconditional love and random acts of goodness. My dad consistently met chaos with peace and…
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32: Into the Wild
I turned 32 last week. How does it feel? As my dad used to say, “It feels just like 31!” Many things are the same. Instead of perfume, I still rub “chill pill” essential oil balm onto my wrists and neck. The first time I look at my hair in the morning is typically in the rear view mirror of…
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What If It’s Great?
I couldn’t walk after my dad died. My anxiety was crippling. I thought I was also going to die. The grief had manifested so physically that I could barely get up. Every type of food made me nauseous like I was back in my first trimester of pregnancy. I had to stop breastfeeding my 4-month-old daughter because I had nothing…
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Altered Latitude 