Tag: Anxiety

  • Jenna

    When Breastfeeding Ends

    I walk into Mara’s room at 6am as she’s gnawing on the side of the crib. Two other sets of teeth marks imprinted under her’s, tug on a contemplative thread in my heart, despite my sleepless daze. Her toothy smile stops me right in my tracks. I sit down to comfort feed her and I’m keenly aware that this time…

  • Jenna

    Group Projects

    Don’t you know how hard I’ve been worrying on this project? I worry so hard. I worry overtime. Late at night, in the morning, sometimes all through the day. I’m worrying so much harder than all of you. Where is my praise? Where is my validation and compensation for all of the worry I’ve been doing? I have an inkling…

  • Jenna

    Gardening

    I ask God to pull out the roots of anxiety in my mind and body. When I close my eyes, I envision God taking the deep-seated roots, transforming the pain, fear and grief – into love – and planting a garden. A garden of vibrant color, warm sunshine, easy, deep breaths and nourishing beauty. A garden, ever-green and eternal.

  • Jenna

    Imperfect Takes Practice

    I feel like I’m chasing after something, perpetually a foot behind where I think should be. Offensive piles of laundry. Lost things and lost tempers. Where’s Monkey? Did you get Ergo? How is it only 8:30? How is it already 8:30? I can throw out compassion like Tic Tacs to other people. A break here, a bone there. But when…

  • Jenna

    Dear Dadio

    Dear Dadio, It’s been three months now since you’ve gone home. It feels like longer and it feels like yesterday. I try so desperately to cling onto specific words from past conversations, but everything feels hazy right now. Saying I miss you doesn’t do it justice. I wonder what word would be better. I fucking miss you? I don’t think…

  • Jenna

    What If It’s Great?

    I couldn’t walk after my dad died. My anxiety was crippling. I thought I was also going to die. The grief had manifested so physically that I could barely get up. Every type of food made me nauseous like I was back in my first trimester of pregnancy. I had to stop breastfeeding my 4-month-old daughter because I had nothing…

  • Jenna

    Crickets

    This electric nervous energy has me levitating lately. Everything around me is just out of reach. Gravity is nowhere to be found and I’m trying to grasp and hang on to anything I can. Sitting in a state of grief has opened me up to smaller nuances and things that I might not have noticed before my dad died. I…

  • Jenna

    The A word

    I’ve had anxiety since I was a little girl, but never really knew that’s what I was up against until recently, when I started reading more books and blogs on the topic, listening to podcasts, practicing yoga and talking to other like-minded humans. “Anxiety feels like fear. Fear that my family is going to be hurt, fear that I’ve pissed…