Tag: motherhood

  • Jenna

    Conversations with myself and my tiny humans

    Are you hungry? Thirsty? Tired? Angry? Scared? Frustrated? Shame, fear, regret, disappointment, doubt; it’s all welcome here.  I see that you need a hug.  You don’t have to pretend or perform. You can be honest with me.   You are my priority.  I’m not going anywhere. Come here, come home, I see you.  I love you.  Let’s just be.

  • Jenna

    Longings

    My longings are tugging again,asking for her to come out and play. The wild one.The spontaneous, change-craving one. The one whose time was all her own.The one who thought slow and simple was for the birds. The one who could effortlessly free fall into lovewithout the fearof losing.  Cocooned on the brink of new life,the longings sit and wait.To sit and wait,for the…

  • Jenna

    In Loving Memory

    The sting of seeing your photo still hits at odd timesHow did that frame become the closest my eyes will get to seeing you again?How did your name become something to memorialize rather than someone to call when my B.O.B. tire goes flat? We read the names and tributes on the benches at the beach:An awesome guy, friend and brotherA…

  • Jenna

    Lessons from the Little Ones

    The first hour or two of a long road trip is really just your mind scanning to see what you forgot. The car potty. Not the car potty. The good thing about road-tripping during a pandemic is that peeing on the side of the road feels mostly acceptable.  Van patrol set off to Sacramento, CA, Crater Lake, OR, Hood River,…

  • Jenna

    Note to Self

    waves of grief surges of birth toddler tantrums that feeling of panic like river rapids will it ever end? it always ends.

  • Jenna

    Thoughts from Inside

    Right after my dad died I wanted the world to stop. For everything to be put on hold and for everyone to feel what I was feeling. Breaking News on every channel of the TV: My dad died. 1.5 years later, the world seems to be slowing to a halt. That fictitious thought I had now coming dangerously close to…

  • Jenna

    For the Books

    Twas’ the night before Christmas eve and I was sitting in my room sorting and getting ready to wrap each of the girls’ presents I had thoughtfully collected over the last month. As Ryan, Maisley and Coura rushed into the house with dinner, I threw a blanket over the gifts and went to join them.  After dinner, Ryan and I…

  • Jenna

    Love, Mom

    Please get off your sister. I’m so proud of you. Come cuddle with me. Give me a minute please. No, one more minute.  No one’s tougher than the sun. What just happened here? Markers are for paper only. What do you see? Can I do mermaid hair? One show. Did you hear what I just said? Good question. What do…

  • Jenna

    Birth and Death, Breath by Breath

    My knees met the floor at the side of my bed in desperation, exhaustion. Ironically, the same place I bowed down to birth, I found myself surrendering to grief. In anger and tears, I had lost all strength. The pain was too much. As time recklessly and graciously ticked on, the swell passed. When I got to my feet, I…

  • Jenna

    A Family of Our Own

    There’s only so much other people see; at the park, on a playdate, in a photo or through an Instagram page. It’s all real, but it’s only a part of our story. The intricacies, everything unfiltered, what we’re like in these four walls – that’s the nectar reserved just for us. The cheeky smiles before the huge laughs, the inside…